Our lives, or businesses, or relationships succeed or fail gradually and then suddenly, one conversation at a time. And the conversation is the relationship. All conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve others.
[Personal notes are in square brackets to indicate they are my own thoughts, not from the book.]
Seven “fierce principles”:
- Master the courage to interrogate reality
- Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real
- Be here, prepared to be nowhere else
- Tackle your toughest challenge today
- Obey your instincts
- Take responsibility for your emotional wake
- Let silence do the heavy lifting
The purposes of fierce conversations:
To interrogate reality
To provoke learning
To tackle tough challenges
To enrich relationships
- Master the courage to interrogate reality. Have conversations where we share our truths, since we all see and experience our work or relationship uniquely. (“Beach ball conversation”: each of us is on a different coloured striped of the ball and hence we have our truths to share.)
Most people want to hear the truth even if it’s hard. People want (at least) one person who will be honest with them and to be honest with one person.
What issues are we avoiding? What are we pretending not to know? Bravely call a meeting about the real issue or a high stakes decision.
Use an issue preparation form to clarify for yourself and share it with the people with whom you want to talk.
Don’t say “but” – replace it with “and”. “I know you want more time to work on this project and the deadline is looming.”
Instead of saying, “I need to talk to you about….”, say “I want to talk with you about….”
“What is the most important thing we should be talking about today?” This is a question to use in meetings, in one-to-ones, and with family and friends. [I also want to ask this to God in prayer.]
Continue reading “Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott: Reading Notes”